Available for free from Smashwords.
(14.5) What if I don’t like it?
Max would have sworn up and down, left and right and on the holy bible that he wasn’t nervous. The hands that shook as he tried to shave, betrayed the lie though. Pausing for a minute, he took a deep breath and stared at his sud-covered reflection in the mirror. He wanted this more than anything. He’d thought about it a million times a day for weeks now. So why was he so nervous?
Steadying his hand, he pulled the razor through the soap on his face. It was after all only sex, he thought as he tapped the razor and rinsed it. It’s not as if you’re a virgin. “Yet it kinda is,” he muttered, wiping a flannel over his face and inspecting for any missed bits. Smooth as a baby’s botty, he was good to go. Sure, he’d lost his actual virginity at a best-forgotten year eleven party with Karen Philips when he was fifteen, this though was different. This was with Stefan, the man who turned him on more than anybody he’d ever met. The person Max had fallen so hard in love with he felt permanently stunned. It was more important than a fumble and spurt.
And. And. Max sighed. No matter how much he avoided thinking about it, the fact that there was going to be another dick involved was scaring him senseless. Not that he had any issues with Stefan’s cock, per se. No siree, it was a very nice cock. The touching, stroking and frotting they’d done so far had been magical. Better than any sex he’d ever had, but that made sense – he’d never been in love with anyone else and he didn’t care what anyone said, sex was much better when love and lust were involved. That was what made this so important. He loved Stefan. What if he messed up? What if he hurt him?
He wandered through to his bedroom and dressed in the clothes he’d already laid out. Brand new, fitted, cotton boxers. A shirt with a jumper over the top, and dark-blue jeans. He knew Stefan liked it when he was a little bit preppy and he needed every bit of help he could get at this moment in time. What if he did it wrong? Or pushed too hard? Or damaged Stefan down there? Taking a deep breath, he ran a little gel through his hair, messing it just so with his fingers. Keeping busy and trying desperately to ignore the question that kept surfacing. What if he didn’t like it?
“What if I don’t like it?” The question blurted out as soon as Stefan opened the door. Neither the sight of Stefan in soft, faded jeans and T-shirt, nor the delicious cooking smells that wafted down the hall towards him could stop his motor-mouth from working.
“Well hallo to you too, handsome,” said Stefan. Grinning he clutched the front of Max’s jumper and pulled him forward for a kiss. Max melted into it. He didn’t think he would ever tire of kissing Stefan. Teeth nipped gently at his bottom lip and a tongue flicked into his mouth. He sighed as a million butterflies escaped from his stomach.
“If you don’t like it,” said Stefan, pulling back a little but not letting go, “then we stop.”
“I will still love you Max. This is not about sex, it’s about you and me and how damn perfect we are together. Besides, there’s more to sex than find a hole, fill a hole. It’s about us, touching, loving and feeling good.”
“And we already do that?” Max couldn’t stop the questioning tone of the statement.
“We already do that,” Stefan agreed. Leaning forward, Max claimed another kiss. The chapped roughness of Stefan’s lips sent shivers down his spine. How did he get so lucky? Winding his arms around his boyfriend he pulled him so close their bodies melded as one. Damn, did kissing Stefan do crazy things to him. His cock stiffened and he ground his groin against Stefan’s, suddenly wishing their jeans were gone. Hands slipping under Stefan’s T-shirt, Max caressed the soft skin that was the top curve of Stefan’s arse. Letting his fingernails dig in, he tugged Stefan closer, melting as his boyfriend groaned.
“Maybe we ought to move this into the house,” Stefan whispered against his lips. “Unless exhibitionism is something you’re also considering? Though I have to let you know I’m not sure how cool I’d be with that, I’m not willing to share you with anyone. Sorry.”
Max could feel the blush spread up his neck and across his face as he moved forward and kicked the front door shut. He really didn’t want to know if anyone had seen him acting like a sex-starved teenager with Stefan. And, as his mouth claimed Stefan’s again, he found he frankly didn’t care. Minutes past, five or ten Max couldn’t have said. Mint and coffee and the subtle scent of lemon soap. Stefan tasted so fine and felt equally as good. Nowhere had ever felt as right to Max as being with Stefan. That was being in love he’d deduced, when every touch made you feel on fire and every smile told you that you were the only person in the world that mattered.
“Let me turn the oven off, we’ll eat later.” Stefan pulled away and Max toed off his shoes and dumped both them and the bag he was holding at the bottom of the stairs. Stefan’s house was small, a terraced two up, two down number, but he’d made it homely. The noise of traffic and pedestrians wasn’t quite drowned out by the single-glazed windows and headlights frequently swept across the living room from cars turning into the street – it was a far cry from Max’s quiet country cottage. It had one major thing going for it: Stefan.
A gentle head butted at his leg and he crouched down to stroke Oscar. “Who’s a pretty boy? Yes you are Oscar, most beautiful cat in the land.” He rubbed his hand over the marmalade fur and tickled under the cat’s chin.
“I know three other cats that might disagree with that statement.” Stefan smiled and gently shooed the cat away, telling him, “He’s all mine, find your own man to fuss over.” Oscar stalked off, tail held high and Max laughed until the butterflies returned to his stomach. Max offered Stefan a shy smile and twined their fingers together, before pulling him closer. “Shall we go upstairs?” He hoped that wasn’t a wobble he heard in his voice.
Stefan nodded and led the way, keeping Max’s fingers gripped tightly in his. The bedroom smelt of furniture polish and Max could see the sheets were fresh on. It pleased him because he realised that maybe he wasn’t the only one who was nervous. Sure, Stefan had shagged men before but this...relationship, this permanence, was new to both of them.
“I love you.” He faced Stefan and traced his fingers down the side of the other man’s face. Stefan closed his eyes and breathed deeply.
“I love you too. So much.” Time paused and Max knew this was the truth, he could see it in the way Stefan looked at him and then his nerves were gone. Squashed by the overwhelming desire pooling in his belly. Smiling softly he pulled Stefan forward, brushed a brief kiss across his lips and then let his mouth and teeth graze gently at the sensitive skin on his neck. The soft moan Stefan let out went straight to Max’s cock and he couldn’t hold back his own groan. Warm hands caressed the skin under his shirt as they set about exploring each other’s bodies.
Hands pulled at clothes, flinging them in a pile on the floor until they were both naked and wrapped in each other’s arms. This wasn’t new. They’d touched and caressed and frotted many times now. Max kissed softly at Stefan’s nipple, before sucking it into his mouth and rubbing his tongue over the hardening nub. Stefan’s fingers clenched where they held Max, causing tiny pricks of pain where his nails dug in. Max shivered in delight and started to kiss lower and lower down Stefan’s abdomen. Until he was there, right at Stefan’s dick.
The smell was intoxicating, all man, yet clean with a faint hint of lemons from the body-wash Max knew hung in Stefan’s shower. Tentatively he kissed the end, run his tongue around the hooded top then swallowed the length down until he could not comfortably fit any more into mouth. His heart pounded and Stefan’s whispered gasp made his own cock stiffen even more. He loved being able to make Stefan sound like that. Never having been on this end of a BJ before though, Max felt a bit lost – until he thought about what he liked.
Pulling back up the shaft he hollowed his cheeks and sucked while pushing back down. Another gasp from Stefan and Max repeated the action. Soon the salty flavour of Stefan was leaking into his mouth and Max’s dick throbbed at the thought of everything still to come. He’d never felt so turned on his life. His body was operating at high voltage, every tiny touch sending a shock to the very core of him.
Too soon, and yet not soon enough, Stefan pulled him off of his knob and back up his body. Plunging his tongue into Max’s mouth he kissed him thoroughly before saying, “I like my taste on you.”
Stefan’s hands found Max’s cock and pulled it, smearing pre-come along its length. Pressure built in the core of Max, those strong fingers could elicit feelings no females had ever managed. Then Stefan bent over and took Max in his mouth. Blackness washed over him, as Stefan sucked and licked and swallowed him so far down he thought he had died and gone to heaven. And then suddenly the encompassing warmth was gone and his dick ached to have it back again.
Stefan hadn’t stopped though. While fingers caressed Max’s nipples he felt his balls get sucked gently into his boyfriend’s mouth. He moaned, arching his back, needing more and yet not sure how he was going to cope.
“Is this alright?” Hot breath wisped across his nuts as Stefan spoke and Max realised he was so close to coming it was embarrassing.
“It’s perfect but I’m not sure I’ll...”
“You’re perfect. There is all the time in the world for you to do me. In fact, not too far from now you’ll be balls deep in my arse, making me whimper like an idiot.”
Max groaned at the thought. Of being that close to Stefan, connecting so deeply. Then he realised, that as much as he wanted to feel the tight heat of Stefan’s arse around his cock, what he really wanted was Stefan to shag him. Fuck, the idea scared the bejesus out of him...but it also made him so fucking horny. The thought of Stefan’s cock buried balls deep in his backside. Pre-come leaked from him even as he thought the idea.
“You.” Max managed to stutter. “I want you in me.” Any remaining blood in Stefan’s body drained south, his cock throbbed and he lost the ability to think.
“Stefan? Oh god, we don’t have to, I ‘m sorry I...” Max finally shut up when Stefan had enough gumption to pull himself up Max’s body and cover his mouth with his own.
“I love you Max. I love you so damn much.” Stefan longed to feel Max, to touch him, to bring him to the brink and watch him fall, but he’d accepted that he would bottom. Max had never questioned the fact that the person he had fallen in love with was a man. He’d also never been coy about asking questions. Stefan understood – gay sex wasn’t exactly covered in sex-education, at least it hadn’t been when he was at school. His own furtive explorations into man-on-man sex had been through porn websites and that had been both thrilling and as scary as fuck, to his fifteen year old self. Obviously Max had worked out the basics, but there was still stuff he wanted to know and Stefan had answered every question Max had
A sharp bite of his nipple, followed by the pressure of Max’s sucking mouth broke into Stefan’s train of thought.
“I want to Stefan. I want to feel you in me, know you are mine and I am yours and I don’t even care if I sound like some cheesy rom-com.” Heat pulsed through Stefan and knew he should say something romantic but really, other than the image of his dick buried on Max’s perfect arse, thinking was beyond his capability at the moment.
He looked at his boyfriend, at the lust he could see reflected in Max’s eyes and the cock hard against his stomach. “Are you sure?” he managed to whisper. Max just nodded and kissed Stefan again, rubbing against him, heat and sweet and sticky.
Moving back down Max’s body Stefan nipped and sucked, licked and teased until Max was groaning so loudly Stefan thought he was going to come from the sound alone. He sounded so wanton and debauched; every low moan uttered grabbed Stefan’s balls and threatened to milk them dry.
He spread Max’s legs and sucked gently at the tight sac between them, letting his tongue drop lower teasingly. Max was incoherent and Stefan reached for the lube, thankful or the tests they’d done, he wasn’t sure he was capable of dealing with a condom at the moment. “Are you sure?” he whispered one last time. At the hissed yes he carefully caressed the sensitive skin of Max’s arse with first his tongue, then lube-covered fingers. He took his time, caressing and rubbing and waiting for the tightness to relax a little.
After a time he found Max’s mouth again and kissed him thoroughly, Pulling his fingers free he lined his dick up against Max’s hole, then pushed gently into him, watching carefully for any signs of pain. Slowly, the dark heat encompassed him. Beneath him, Max bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut and it took every bit of will-power Stefan owned to still himself and not thrust forward into the welcoming tightness.
He held still until Max began to move. Just tiny, tiny thrusts at first, that opened up his hole around Stefan and pulled him inside. Stefan sighed, nothing had ever felt so good before. Hands brushed over his chest and two pupil-blown eyes looked right at him.
“Fuck me please Stefan.” Max’s voice broke. Stefan knew not if it was with pain or lust, but he could feel the want and need in the hands that pulled him forward and deeper. In the hips that thrust harder with every movement forward and back. In the lip bitten between teeth, and the pre-come leaking from Max’s hardened cock. In the tight, deep space that Max had shared with no-one but him.
As Max moved faster, Stefan lost himself in the need building within him. His hips bucked, back and forth, the tightness and friction on his dick so fucking amazing. Soon the entire world shrunk to just him and Max. To the heat, the passion. The moans and need and warmth. Darkness surrounded him, but not a darkness to fear, one to cherish, to yearn for. Like a lady of the night it enticed him in and he moved faster and harder and needed just that little bit more....
Then the darkness encompassed him, swallowed him whole in its comforting blanket. He was aware enough to notice Max close his eyes, to hear the moan his lover uttered, and see the white paint itself over Max’s stomach.
As light filtered back into the world, he gathered enough wits to pull gently out of Max. Not caring about the come that smeared between them he pulled Max in close, kissing his mouth and whispering utter rubbish.
“Are you okay?”
Stefan almost didn’t want Max to reply. Nothing had come close to how wonderful that had been. There was no comparison to the joy that had swallowed Stefan whole. It would break him if Max hadn’t felt it too. Not beyond repair, but still...
“I’m more than okay.” Max’s voice was barely a whisper. “That hurt like buggery at first, but then...wow...it was like the pain didn’t matter anymore, like the pain was good.” Stefan didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or cry as he pulled Max closer and devoured his mouth once more. When they finally pulled apart Stefan let the urge to laugh break free.
“Of course it hurt like buggery you donkey, it was fucking buggery...”
Sex had never been like that before. Nothing could compare to the feeling of Stefan filling him. Even the tenderness in his arse didn’t matter – it only served to tell him that he’d shared something with Stefan that he hadn’t with anyone else. Max snuggled closer to Stefan, drowsiness washing over him. He needed a shower and some food, he knew that, but he wasn’t quite ready to let go of Stefan yet. The cooling stickiness between them was gross, yet he couldn’t quite bring himself to care.
“So you don’t have to worry about not liking it any more, huh?” Stefan’s voice was soft in his ear.
“Nope. That was the best fucking experience of my life!”
Of course it was the best fucking experience, I was the one doing the fucking.” Even in his drowsy state Max could hear the raised eyebrow that accompanied the remark. If he didn’t feel quite so sated he might just thump his lover.
“I love you,” he said instead, shutting his eyes and enjoying the perfect moment.
“I love you too,” came the sleepy reply and Max smiled to himself. He hadn’t believed in soul mates until he’d met Stefan. He did now though, he believed in them with all his heart.